VN Ren'Py City of Sin [Demo] [DoAdventures]

[DoAdventures]

Wait where's Emma?

Oh wrong game...

Yeah, the name is going to have to change. My fault for not seeing the other title. But spoke to the Dev.

 

[DoAdventures]

Mystery is good, but context is key.
The player/reader doesn't need to know everything, but we need to know enough to follow along with what is happening.

Sometimes there are stories - like the Bourne Identity - where the character and reader are figuring out things together.
However, when the character knows things and the reader doesn't it's a bit rude - unless there's a reason that the reader shouldn't know (and then the reader should know why they shouldn't know - ex. the character is clearly established as not speaking to anyone about that, or lies to themself about it, or has memory loss or trauma that they don't really know themselves, etc.) There are many reasons why the audience avatar and player character shouldn't know things, but when they just don't know anything at all... well, that's not good.

Always be willing to turn the story around on yourself. If you were the reader/player/etc and didn't know all the things you know because you're writing it, what would you think (&/or think you know) from what made it to the final page/render. You don't want players to be in the dark, but on the other extreme you don't want to be like HBO's GoT and not give viewers what you expressly told them to expect.

Just my opinion, hopefully this is constructive criticism, ymmv, etc.

Thanks for the feedback! I absolutely agree that context is key, and I want to make sure players can follow along while still maintaining a sense of intrigue. The mystery surrounding Kate is intentional, but I don’t want it to feel like I’m withholding information unfairly.

Kate does have knowledge that the player doesn’t at the start, but I’m planning to reveal more details naturally as the story progresses. This demo was more of a proof of concept to gauge interest and establish tone rather than provide the full picture right away.

That said, I see your point about making sure players understand enough to stay engaged without feeling lost. I’ll be refining things to strike a better balance between mystery and clarity.

Thank you,
DoAdventures

 

[Maviarab]

*inserts here we go again gif*

 

[DoAdventures]

New build with the new name, upgraded UI and couple of extra renders updated in the MEGA link.