VN Ren'Py Desirium [v0.12.1] [ElCharlo]

[Naps-On-Dirt]

Its a tricky line, you have a story to tell and need some things to go a certain way. But players don't like not having an appropriate choice, especially in regards to how they react to how other characters treat them. Case in point, the teacher last release. (I haven't gotten to play through this update yet to see how that was rewritten.) Much like how everyone demands that LIs are optional (no one likes a forced relationship), you gotta allow a range of reactions to events.

You're probably not an introvert so didn't realize the interaction with the teacher in that previous release rubbed some people the wrong way. In that situation I would have wanted a more negative reaction to get the point across to her how uncool it was, but all I could choose was, "no thanks, not interested."

From the sound of this faux kidnapping, I too would probably want an angry and maybe violent reaction. Seriously, someone manhandles him and tries to scare and intimidate him and all the MC can say is "haha, don't do that again." If that happened to me there would be at LEAST a bloody nose or black eye as immediate repayment, and if it was someone that I didn't consider an actual friend (as opposed to casual aquaintance) I'd be seriously considering how many fingers to break.

 

[AnonW123]

So the previous two versions got me very excited about this game. Unfortunately this update has cooled that down a bit. I'm still interested I just have some issues namely:

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Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.

I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

Don't get discouraged by the comments, including my criticisms. You have talent. The game still has interesting and attractive characters, some fun dialogue and banter and really, really beautiful renders.

There is potential and hopefully as we get more of the story it will come together. So keep pushing on.

 

[stahlblau]

Claire is such a baddie

View attachment 4204914

 

[Itsphred]

Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.

I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

Keep doing what you're doing brotha, this is YOUR story! You tell it how you want it.. criticism is criticism.. Don't let it discourage you.. I Definitely like the introduction to the characters.. and as soon as I found out about the "kidnap" scene afterwards.. It gave a lot of us a sigh of relief lol ... If they Hate it so much.. let them go make their own story and come up with their own renders... Keep pushing bro.. You're doing a great job so far.. Can't wait for more updates =)

 

[BC]

Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.

I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

U just need to better walk the teasing line without all teasing being negging. it just isnt fun to play where other characters constantly belittle the MC.

And yeah the kidnapping was just off tonally, especially with it being a cliffhanger and then we are supposed to laugh about traumatizing a girl.

Even just writing the scene as those guys getting out of the car with fakes guns and briefly scaring them with a hold-up at the pick-up before immediately dropping their masks and trying to laugh would've done what you needed to do: establish some people as assholes, upset the girl, give the MC a chance to be a stand-up guy, etc.

 

[stahlblau]

Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.

I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

you try things and improve and we try to play and have fun. the more you improve, the more fun we will have. keep it up

 

[Joey's Conscience]

Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.

I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

Not sure if I'm one of those you'd consider "harsh", but that isn't the intention. My objective with reviews is to provide contructive criticism to devs whenever they are around, but most importantly, paint a picture of the game to other players, so they can decide if they wanna give it a go.

Hiding or sugarcoating issues with the game really isn't helpful to anyone. Take the last review, for instance (if it's still there, not sure if it's allowed), which is clearly just a generic copy-pasted review with the name of the game changed. Sure, it helps your overall score, but what is anyone supposed to take from that? You got no feedback, and the people reading have no idea what the game is like.

As for subjectiveness, ultimately that's all reviews are. Some people really value visuals, but others really value story. You will probably do well with the former, but worse with the latter. As the dev, you gotta know to filter what kind of feedback is helpful and can be improved upon. For instance, a lot of people brought up that the LIs look too similar, even the ones not related. So moving forward, maybe design the next one with more unique features, like short hair, darker skin tone, and so on.

As for the kidnapping, I agree with what most people said, but I'd just like to add that me, and probably others, though this was what would kickstart the plot proper. You ended on that cliffhanger, so we assumed it was gonna be this big thing that would change the course of the story. Maybe the MC would have to commit a crime himself to escape, maybe he would have to get involved with criminals, something along those lines. In the end, tho whole thing was super inconsequential, which is my biggest gripe with it.

 

[rogokin]

Dev is Claire a LI? Cuz she is beautiful!

 

[xeratzy]

How do you open menu and save on android?

 

[Jimskeleton]

Dev is Claire a LI? Cuz she is beautiful!

Dev confirmed a few pages back she would be, I'm assuming all those in the gallery section will be a LI.

 

[jvbatman]

Should really call this version 0.1.1 I was expecting there to be 11 updates worth of content.

Game looks nice so far.

 

[ElCharlo]

Thank you guys again for the replies, I appreciate it. And Joey's Conscience, everything you said was perfectly constructive. I was talking about the ones who over exaggerate stuff and shit on a game they got for free.

 

[motseer]

Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.
I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

While my comment was not a review, I'm sure it fit what you would consider harsh. It was meant that way to get your attention. I considered making it a review but, decided against taking it that far. In reading through the thread, it was obvious you try to accept criticism so, I wanted you to have that chance. There are a number of posts subsequent to mine that encourage you to see that scene as being, at the least, a bit over the top and, at most, offensive. What you do or do not do with that information is up to you. Obviously.

Keep doing what you're doing brotha, this is YOUR story! You tell it how you want it.. criticism is criticism.. Don't let it discourage you.. I Definitely like the introduction to the characters.. and as soon as I found out about the "kidnap" scene afterwards.. It gave a lot of us a sigh of relief lol ... If they Hate it so much.. let them go make their own story and come up with their own renders... Keep pushing bro.. You're doing a great job so far.. Can't wait for more updates =)

I have offered this exact advice on numerous occasions. I get that the intention was for it to be perceived as a sophomoric prank perpetrated by dumbass kids who just didn't know better. From the large majority of reactions you can see it didn't come off that way. Dude, that girl was TRAUMATIZED! Not a little bit, a lot. That's the way it's written. I could see how the whole scene could be used as a major branching point. I could have been offered a choice to make my MC an asshole who goes along and thinks it's cute or, I could have been given the choice to make him a stand up guy and maybe even exact a bit of white knight retribution on behalf of a prospective LI. As it is written I'm expected to roll over and accept the MC as either a pussy or an idiot; depending on the reader's interpretation.

Sorry, m8, if you don't like it, but, it's called criticism and just because it's presented harshly does not make it invalid or unreasonable.

 

[MadfireMonkey]

Thank you guys for the feedback, it's just unfortunate how some can be harsh and highly subjective with the reviews though. I can understand people saying there's no real plot yet, I probably should've extended 0.11 a little because the story really starts right at the beginning of the next update. Up until now, it's mostly been character introductions. I agree MC is far from being perfect, he's not meant to be. I’m also aware writing isn’t my strong suit, but I’m always trying to improve.

I also thought a kidnapping scene similar to the one in 22 Jump Street (where frat guys kidnap two others at gunpoint with ski masks, and it's no big deal afterwards because it really isn't that deep) was a good idea, didn't expect to see some people hate it with passion. I guess it's because this is a comedy movie and my game isn't really centered on that lol

The kidnapping doesn't work as something to laugh off because Kayla was kidnapped too. If she wasn't it would be more understandable to laugh off but she was there and she's clearly traumatized by it so it makes the mc look bad for laughing it off instead of punching them in the face or leaving the party

 

[jvbatman]

The kidnapping doesn't work as something to laugh off because Kayla was kidnapped too. If she wasn't it would be more understandable to laugh off but she was there and she's clearly traumatized by it so it makes the mc look bad for laughing it off instead of punching them in the face or leaving the party

Pretty sure it's setting up what a dipshit Chloe's BF is so you can cuck him later.

 

[motseer]

Pretty sure it's setting up what a dipshit Chloe's BF is so you can cuck him later.

That works but, it shouldn't preclude kicking Rob's ass now...

 

[AnonW123]

Yes

I hope that's optional. I'm not into incest (neither is patreon so be careful). Unless she is a step sister.

 

[Itsphred]

While my comment was not a review, I'm sure it fit what you would consider harsh. It was meant that way to get your attention. I considered making it a review but, decided against taking it that far. In reading through the thread, it was obvious you try to accept criticism so, I wanted you to have that chance. There are a number of posts subsequent to mine that encourage you to see that scene as being, at the least, a bit over the top and, at most, offensive. What you do or do not do with that information is up to you. Obviously.


I have offered this exact advice on numerous occasions. I get that the intention was for it to be perceived as a sophomoric prank perpetrated by dumbass kids who just didn't know better. From the large majority of reactions you can see it didn't come off that way. Dude, that girl was TRAUMATIZED! Not a little bit, a lot. That's the way it's written. I could see how the whole scene could be used as a major branching point. I could have been offered a choice to make my MC an asshole who goes along and thinks it's cute or, I could have been given the choice to make him a stand up guy and maybe even exact a bit of white knight retribution on behalf of a prospective LI. As it is written I'm expected to roll over and accept the MC as either a pussy or an idiot; depending on the reader's interpretation.

Sorry, m8, if you don't like it, but, it's called criticism and just because it's presented harshly does not make it invalid or unreasonable.

It is what it is... Everyone's gonna have their own criticism .. We're either gonna hate it or love it.. But I'm just gonna let him tell the story.. And explore his imagination.. And who knows.. ‍♂ But It's not that deep to go up for debate lol definitely respect your answer

 

[BlackwingYu]

I may be blind, where is the in game walkthrough?

 

[BC]

That works but, it shouldn't preclude kicking Rob's ass now...

Sure, but it isn't needed. A temporary stick-up for a short jolt of fear, upsetting the girl, would've been plenty, not to mention how many other little asshole moves could be hinted at if needed to bolster further. This level of abuse as a prank just makes the guy reach as a psycho and makes him less believable as a person and his gf less believable to be dating him in the first place.