VN Ren'Py Leaving DNA [Ep. 4.3a] [Impious Monk]

4.70 star(s) 134 Votes
Discussion Reviews (134)
B

Belphegor

Newbie
May 23, 2017
38
110
Impious Monk said:
Anyone is welcome to criticize my story as being badly written, but I am bothered by comments that suggest I was trying to appeal to a particular fetish. I don't think anything about the story up until this point suggests that, and in fact suggests the opposite.

Unfortunately, the ending of Episode Four has not been understood in the way I intended it to be. It's intended to be a dark story beat, an emotional gut punch for the MC and the player. I wrote six pages on this for my supporters but I'll give a brief TLDR:

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Hey Impious Monk, first I want to say: congrats on writing this game (and good luck on carrying it to completion). I started it hesitantly, with many elements feeling a bit off to me both aesthetically (the character's physique felt a bit too "caricaturally gigachad" -or as elegantly refered in game "kind of a ken thing going on"-, the LIs didn't really do it for me physically -except Jamie, then later came Malena-) and thematically (must admit both the lost-father-maybe-alive mystery and the "super-duper-giga-elite small group getting their hands bloody for OUR FREEDOMS/shady gov ops" are pretty used tropes that can easily be annoying and immersion-breaking). And I must say...the story and the character's turmoils really grew on me, in particular in part 3&4. The very detailed judicial technical-aspects approach work pretty well for a slow and deep immersion (remind me of Tom Clancy's process tbh, tho obviously a narrator-driven book lend itself much more to that, it still work here), the characters are well written, likeable and more importantly justified in their actions by credible motivations. The irrationnal moves are pointed out as irrationnal (or understood tacitly in the context as such) and the radical changes and twists are consistently handled in a way they reinforce, rather than break, the willing suspension of disbelief (many yellow flag get raised only to be disamorced in-universe later).

The game also has unquestionnal "cinematical" qualities to it, the pace, staging, atmosphere is well handled, and seem to get better and better as the game advance. Maybe it's due to the game growing on me, but I think it's in big part YOU substantially improving your craft through the project. It is rare for a game in general, and in this site in particular, to have me emotionnally immersed in the story and characters in such a way. I do not say that to be pompous or superlative (tbh part of me is still feeling mitigated toward the game), but in my opinion, by definition when a work reach into others people's gut and provoke a raw feeling of emotionnal implication, that is when you've created art. So congratulations on that, it is no easy feat.

The fact that the erotic/sex scenes are hot and press my buttons doesn't hurt in the slightest, obviously ;) And while the game is mostly a linear visual novel (with minor branches on LI choices), the pivotal "empathic friend-family man/Self-reliant workaholic" fork bring a much-welcome character-defining choice to make it an actual game. I hope the logical difference in scenes/MC actions in both paths is maintaining consistantly, even if it's bound to add up work and time.

Some feedback/criticism on my part, mostly on the ongoing immersion-breaking yellow flags:



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Well, I could probably speak of other points but I feel like I've been blabbering enough haha. Guess I gotta put my money where my mouth is now and go buy the game to support it :p Again, good job on it, and eager for chapter 5!
 
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A

AlbertoRiveron

Member
Nov 26, 2019
105
259
Alright I ain't great at expressing words quite as elegantly as other people on this threat but I just got to say holy fucking shit the writing on this game is so good. LIKE WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT the fuck is going on? I will say though my favorite LI is Jaime and its unfortunate the way the story is unfolding as its been a slowburn and is seemingly about to go very cold for a while.
 
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Daastaan007

Daastaan007

Well-Known Member
Jan 10, 2019
1,228
516
Can MC romance all LI at a same playthrough or there is path? If any major LI path choice is at the end of game then I am cool with it.
 
The-Joy

The-Joy

Newbie
Apr 26, 2021
18
45
So, do you need to be become friends with benefits first with Aghavni in order to get on her romance path? I picked all the +Aghavni options but ignored the assertive/FWB choices and now I can't invite her to dinner in Ep. 4.
 
Porthas

Porthas

Well-Known Member
Feb 26, 2021
1,288
2,780
Impious Monk said:
Glad you're enjoying the story overall! I am a little disappointed with this take, though.

I'd been trying to set Jamie up as a very ambitious person. In each of Episodes One through Three there is a discussion about her goals going beyond just working in the District Attorney's Office. Yes, she does protest when asked and says she's happy for now being a DA. But she admits that she wants to be a federal judge, which I personally consider a very, very ambitious goal. She's even already applied to take on a second job as a law professor at a local law school, showing both her interest in teaching and, again, her ambition. In addition, her past job history clerking for a federal court of appeals and clerking for a United States Supreme Court justice are only things that an ambitious person would do. Even just the fact that she went to Harvard Law School is consistent with having ambition.

But I guess the problem here is that I didn't do a good job of explaining why these facts are relevant to showing her ambition. Most players aren't going to understand, for example, what it means to be clerk for the court of appeals or the supreme court. So that's my fault.

I do agree that she's leaving at a really hard time for the MC. But I think that actually makes her a much more interesting character. She understands that this is hard for the MC and she's really torn up about it because the job at Harvard is a once in a lifetime opportunity and she really wants it. But she also truly loves the MC. This is a very difficult conflict for her.

I do want my characters to feel real and to have their own hopes and ambitions outside of their relationship with the MC, even if that comes at the cost of that character's "likeability." The fact that we can't have everything we want in life sometimes will lead to hard choices. And hard choices are always going to make for good storytelling.
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Yes, respectfully, you did fail. I can explain why I think this is the case. (put in spoilers for those who haven't played the game yet)
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Anyway, this wasn't to belabor my point, just wanted to clarify it.

All in all I think you've created something you can be proud of.
 
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Impious Monk

Impious Monk

Active Member
Game Developer
Oct 14, 2021
694
3,579
The-Joy said:
So, do you need to be become friends with benefits first with Aghavni in order to get on her romance path? I picked all the +Aghavni options but ignored the assertive/FWB choices and now I can't invite her to dinner in Ep. 4.
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You don't have to be friends with benefits, but you do have to score at least two assertiveness points with her in Episode One. If you don't score those points then Aghavni will tell Luis at the beginning of Episode Two that MC has changed. That he doesn't seem as masculine/assertive, hence she loses interest in him. I think I actually intended to add additional opportunities for the player to overcome that deficiency after seeing the conversation between Luis and Aghavni, but I never did. The pathing got too complicated for my simple brain. Or maybe I just forgot.
 
Private_User69

Private_User69

New Member
Sep 22, 2024
2
6
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Phasing Out Patreon
Beginning March 1st, I will no longer be accepting new supporters on Patreon or SubscribeStar. Fans of Leaving DNA will still be able to get new episodes through a one-time purchase of the game on Itch or Steam. Purchasing the game on either of those platforms will give you access to all future episodes. I will continue working on the game and eventually deliver all eight planned episodes.

For all of those who have been supporting me long-term via Patreon/SS, you will continue to receive weekly journals and new episode updates through an email list which I will be rolling out over the next couple of weeks. Your eligibility for this depends on your lifetime contribution to the project, as detailed below.

In addition, I will leave the Patreon/SS pages up for preexisting supporters while I continue working on Episode Five. It will remain up for five months. This is to allow preexisting supporters to hit certain threshold contribution amounts before the page is removed permanently. At the end of five months (July 31st) the Patreon/SS pages will be suspended indefinitely with no further Leaving DNA content being delivered here, and no further contributions accepted.

Going forward until I finish the game, supporters will receive the following benefits based on the total amount of money they have contributed over the lifetime of the project:

$18 - Bronze Tier: weekly developer's journals with preview renders (when available--there won't be a lot of preview renders going forward) and access to the new episodes at the same time that Steam/Itch gets them.
$40 - Silver Tier: Occasional bonus special renders
$100 - Gold Tier: Monthly special renders
$250 - Platinum Tier: One week early access to new episodes and occasional tier exclusive special renders

Note that you if want to reach a particular tier, you've got five months to do so. I have reopened the Biggest Supporter tier ($20 per month) so that even a new subscriber can get to the $100 tier by the end of July. For supporters who have already hit their desired threshold amounts, you will be able to safely unsubscribe from Patreon/SS as soon as the email system is up and running.

If you need to know how much you have contributed already, DM me. If you get an email from me but don't want to be on my stupid email list, DM me. If you think I'm handsome, DM me. Also remember that all supporters past or present who have contributed at least $12 total are eligible to receive a key to get the game free on Steam or Itch; to get a key, DM me.

--Monk
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Jericho85

Jericho85

Engaged Member
Apr 25, 2022
2,273
7,853
Chillout1984 said:
That would only explain Patreon though. As far as I can find, Subscribestar has no issues with most if not any "problematic" content.
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I suppose the other advantages to Steam is that it's one-time purchase instead of subscription based. Perhaps he's just moving away from subscription based models in general. So perhaps it's not entirely because of the incest stuff.
 
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4.70 star(s) 134 Votes