- Jul 7, 2021
- 883
- 855
kretenu jedan retardirani !!! put the game in ONE FUCKING FOLDER !!!
- Nov 28, 2022
- 268
- 544
Looks interesting sadly no scenes yet. Gonna have to wait few more updoots
Was there a proofread or do we have another horrible translation with so many gender errors that they make everything incomprehensible?
- Jun 13, 2021
- 4,312
- 2,569
TheTripOfALifetime-0.4
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- Feb 8, 2023
- 179
- 173
This is all over the place in terms of grammar and Engrish. The first 5-10 minutes up to the point where Farah has an argument with her mother is fine in terms of the setting/scenarios that the characters are in, but there's nothing to grab the reader's attention in terms of excitement. I honestly started fast skipping everything after the argument between Farah and her mother because nothing up to that point interested me in the dialogue. There's a reason why Farah's mom doesn't want her to date the MC yet she never tells her. Why the hell not?! That would be a pretty significant thing to reveal for the plot and it could have huge implications on future choices... if they were to exist.
The limited number of choices and being forced into sexual situations is never a road to success (in my opinion) so I would recommend rewriting the script and adding more choices in certain key branching moments. Refusing to have sex with the older sister would be a good choice option there instead of forcing the sex to happen because it "drives the plot".
I feel like the reason this dev wanted to make this game is purely because he wanted to make one. There doesn't seem to be any substance in the plot or character traits/development at all. It's just a bunch of wet blanket tropes attached to models that fit the tropes.
The music is grating as well, I literally had to turn it off because it wasn't fitting the vibes in the scenes at all, and it seemed like it was just a generic jingle on a loop.
All I can say to the dev at this point is to at least brainstorm some ideas, maybe look to other games/stories for some inspiration and creativity, about how this plot can become interesting in the first 10 or so minutes because if nothing is going to grab attention then nobody will enjoy the game.
Intertwined has actually had a major twist come out with one of the girls in that game and it's a situation somewhat similar to this one. However, I actually enjoy that one because it got my interest quickly by the way the plot and dialogue was structured. Maybe take a spin on that one to see if you can come up with some creativity for this one.
The limited number of choices and being forced into sexual situations is never a road to success (in my opinion) so I would recommend rewriting the script and adding more choices in certain key branching moments. Refusing to have sex with the older sister would be a good choice option there instead of forcing the sex to happen because it "drives the plot".
I feel like the reason this dev wanted to make this game is purely because he wanted to make one. There doesn't seem to be any substance in the plot or character traits/development at all. It's just a bunch of wet blanket tropes attached to models that fit the tropes.
The music is grating as well, I literally had to turn it off because it wasn't fitting the vibes in the scenes at all, and it seemed like it was just a generic jingle on a loop.
All I can say to the dev at this point is to at least brainstorm some ideas, maybe look to other games/stories for some inspiration and creativity, about how this plot can become interesting in the first 10 or so minutes because if nothing is going to grab attention then nobody will enjoy the game.
Intertwined has actually had a major twist come out with one of the girls in that game and it's a situation somewhat similar to this one. However, I actually enjoy that one because it got my interest quickly by the way the plot and dialogue was structured. Maybe take a spin on that one to see if you can come up with some creativity for this one.
- Dec 9, 2017
- 3,592
- 9,683
Man this english is so bad
Also hope that the supposed father figure wont fool around with the women in the game
Also hope that the supposed father figure wont fool around with the women in the game
- Jul 5, 2021
- 69
- 94
This game really needs an English proof reader.
Very off putting having women constantly addressed as "he/him/his".
Woman calling her sister "brother".
Grammar is all over the place and sometimes makes no sense.
Very off putting having women constantly addressed as "he/him/his".
Woman calling her sister "brother".
Grammar is all over the place and sometimes makes no sense.
I just started this vn, Idk, my best guess is the creator isn't from the US. The misuse of the pronouns does get confusing at times. Like for Zari, she's referred to as a he by MC. Hopefully the creator fixes it down the line at least. I like this vn, nice looking characters.
Wtf
This game had gender problems
Sometime it refers to girls, as his instead of her and he instead of she.
This game had gender problems
Sometime it refers to girls, as his instead of her and he instead of she.
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Perhaps someone who speaks both English and Spanish should be put in charge of translation. Or at least a better piece of MTL software than what's currently being used.
I speak less than 20 words of Spanish and most of that is counting to 10, but I feel like I'd understand what's going on better playing in Spanish than I am playing in English.
I speak less than 20 words of Spanish and most of that is counting to 10, but I feel like I'd understand what's going on better playing in Spanish than I am playing in English.