VN Ren'Py Whispers of Desire [v0.1] [Mr_Fable]

[Duro2304]

I'm sorry for leaving a poor review, but that doesn't mean I can change my mind, it's like someone else said, the bad predator boss, gives me bad omens, gives me the feeling of a bad NTR, and it will only be FMC who betrays or even MC.

 

[Mr Fable]

I'm sorry for leaving a poor review, but that doesn't mean I can change my mind, it's like someone else said, the bad predator boss, gives me bad omens, gives me the feeling of a bad NTR, and it will only be FMC who betrays or even MC.

Thank you for leaving a review nonetheless.

 

[Pr0GamerJohnny]

Was glad to see she didnt have the same stock gens, a little time spent goes a long way

 

[Remarius]

Very good start to the game - hoping the sharing covers both Sarah and Alex. Though I definitely pushed away the boss.

 

[Mr Fable]

Very good start to the game - hoping the sharing covers both Sarah and Alex. Though I definitely pushed away the boss.

Glad you enjoyed the game. The creepy boss will keep coming up with his schemes but you can certainly avoid his clutches.

 

[DIRTY FILTHY Animal]

Glad you enjoyed the game. The creepy boss will keep coming up with his schemes but you can certainly avoid his clutches.

Will we get any risky public “almost caught” scenes?
like for example the wife is under the conference table blowing someone while the husband is talking to him or the opposite the wife might have a young intern under her desk eating her while her husband comes in to talk to her. Or gloryholes in the restrooms, wife could be getting slammed in the stall while hubby is at the urinal trying to guess who that is

 

[Mr Fable]

Will we get any risky public “almost caught” scenes?
like for example the wife is under the conference table blowing someone while the husband is talking to him or the opposite the wife might have a young intern under her desk eating her while her husband comes in to talk to her. Or gloryholes in the restrooms, wife could be getting slammed in the stall while hubby is at the urinal trying to guess who that is

While the storyline for the main plot is set, we have not finalized how every scene will play out exactly. Also do not want to spoil the game too much.

 

[Claudio83]

I have played the game being a lover of hotwife/netorase games, and the premises are good, and top tier graphics!
The wife model is nice and sexy and not vulgar, how should be... i'm hoping to see her in many stockings/garter belt and high heels sets, the typical hotwife outfits!
Great start however... i have discovered this game with the western sharing games list thread, because it doesn't have any swinging/netorare tag yet

 

[tunaboy57]

Will we get any risky public “almost caught” scenes?
like for example the wife is under the conference table blowing someone while the husband is talking to him or the opposite the wife might have a young intern under her desk eating her while her husband comes in to talk to her. Or gloryholes in the restrooms, wife could be getting slammed in the stall while hubby is at the urinal trying to guess who that is

Mr Fable yeah, especially if the husband knew it was happening and who it was (because she [and he] had permission to do those things as part of the game they played)

 

[Mr Fable]

I have played the game being a lover of hotwife/netorase games, and the premises are good, and top tier graphics!
The wife model is nice and sexy and not vulgar, how should be... i'm hoping to see her in many stockings/garter belt and high heels sets, the typical hotwife outfits!
Great start however... i have discovered this game with the western sharing games list thread, because it doesn't have any swinging/netorare tag yet

Glad you liked the game. The forum rules state that you can only use tags for elements already in the game. That is why it is missing for now.

 

[arone tajhiri]

Was glad to see she didnt have the same stock gens, a little time spent goes a long way

yo I knew id see u here lol

 

[arone tajhiri]

I only hav one req dont make the husband a fool or oblivious for plot convenience

 

[Pdr602]

I only hav one req dont make the husband a fool or oblivious for plot convenience

Agree on this. Don't make the husband a complete moron.

That said, I find stories more interesting and exciting when there is deception. In other words, the husband or wife don't condone cheating, are suspicious of it, and eventually find out that cheating has occured. What happens from there is either reconciliation or they go their separate ways.

 

[getinge1]

I think the game is fantastic and did so many things well was hard to believe it’s a first release. The renders especially Sarah are top notch. The characters are being well developed, the user interface works well and it was a good amount of content. I’m definitely looking forward to future updates.

 

[Tithann]

Hello,
Sorry, Mr Fable, but I have a rant coming. All the criticisms I'm going to make are not just for you, but for 95% of the authors of these games that we DO want to love. I also hope you'll take those criticisms as a way to improve the story you're trying to tell and, mostly, how you tell it.
So, here we go. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a great writer or even a decent one, but I can see when something is poorly written and also why. I just played the first few minutes of the game (I've only been given 1 choice to make so far, just for you to see at what point I am in the story), but I can already see the problems. Mostly, it's called "trim out the fat".
I'm going to give an example. There is a render (the renders are very well done btw) where you see Sarah in front of an open fridge, looking at it (the fridge contains only bottles, but it doesn't matter), and you have a line of dialogue that goes something like "Sarah is in front of the fridge contemplating what to make for dinner". Then you click, and there's a new line of dialogue that is her talking to herself and saying something like "hum... let's see". And then you click again, and she says (still on the same render) : "I think I'm going to make chicken with pasta."
Now... What was the point of the 2 previous lines of dialogue ? You have more information than you need just with the last one. You don't need to tell us she's in front of the fridge... We can see it. It's called "show, don't tell" and you're showing it and telling it at the same time ! Worse, the all render, despite being well done graphically, is useless because on the previous render she was telling her husband "Go freshen up in the bathroom, I'm going to make dinner"... So we don't need this render showing her wondering what she's going to cook, we already know she's going to cook something ! If the fact that it's going to be chicken with pasta is not important, you don't need to tell us ! And the rest is the same. We see the husband grabbing two empty glasses... You don't need to write "Alex grabs 2 empty glasses of wine" because, just from the render, nobody was thinking he was riding a seahorse !
Also, I understand what you're going for, you're trying to establish the relationship dynamics of the couple before shit hits the fan, but you don't have to show every detail. It's called starting "in medias res" or "enter late, leave soon". Most of the time, if you want to show a guy going to his work, you just need to make a shot of him dressed in business wear entering through a "corporate looking door" (kinda like a door of glass, for instance), you don't need to show him waking up, pee while scratching his butt then take a shower, brush his teeth, chose what is going to wear, then see him making breakfast and then eating that breakfast, and then showing him leave the house, wait for 10 minutes for the bus and then show the entire commute... If you chose to show one, any, or all of these moments, it's because they have a certain important meaning, or that something significant is going to happen during the moment(s) you're showing, and you don't need a narrator telling us what we're seeing on the screen !
I get that these kinds of kinetic novels are better when they are a slow burn and that's what I'm looking for, but this "show and tell every meaningless detail" feels more like a slow tepidness designed (albeit unconsciously, maybe) to inflate the game time.

 

[TeamEquipe]

Hello,
Sorry, Mr Fable, but I have a rant coming. All the criticisms I'm going to make are not just for you, but for 95% of the authors of these games that we DO want to love. I also hope you'll take those criticisms as a way to improve the story you're trying to tell and, mostly, how you tell it.
So, here we go. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a great writer or even a decent one, but I can see when something is poorly written and also why. I just played the first few minutes of the game (I've only been given 1 choice to make so far, just for you to see at what point I am in the story), but I can already see the problems. Mostly, it's called "trim out the fat".
I'm going to give an example. There is a render (the renders are very well done btw) where you see Sarah in front of an open fridge, looking at it (the fridge contains only bottles, but it doesn't matter), and you have a line of dialogue that goes something like "Sarah is in front of the fridge contemplating what to make for dinner". Then you click, and there's a new line of dialogue that is her talking to herself and saying something like "hum... let's see". And then you click again, and she says (still on the same render) : "I think I'm going to make chicken with pasta."
Now... What was the point of the 2 previous lines of dialogue ? You have more information than you need just with the last one. You don't need to tell us she's in front of the fridge... We can see it. It's called "show, don't tell" and you're showing it and telling it at the same time ! Worse, the all render, despite being well done graphically, is useless because on the previous render she was telling her husband "Go freshen up in the bathroom, I'm going to make dinner"... So we don't need this render showing her wondering what she's going to cook, we already know she's going to cook something ! If the fact that it's going to be chicken with pasta is not important, you don't need to tell us ! And the rest is the same. We see the husband grabbing two empty glasses... You don't need to write "Alex grabs 2 empty glasses of wine" because, just from the render, nobody was thinking he was riding a seahorse !
Also, I understand what you're going for, you're trying to establish the relationship dynamics of the couple before shit hits the fan, but you don't have to show every detail. It's called starting "in medias res" or "enter late, leave soon". Most of the time, if you want to show a guy going to his work, you just need to make a shot of him dressed in business wear entering through a "corporate looking door" (kinda like a door of glass, for instance), you don't need to show him waking up, pee while scratching his butt then take a shower, brush his teeth, chose what is going to wear, then see him making breakfast and then eating that breakfast, and then showing him leave the house, wait for 10 minutes for the bus and then show the entire commute... If you chose to show one, any, or all of these moments, it's because they have a certain important meaning, or that something significant is going to happen during the moment(s) you're showing, and you don't need a narrator telling us what we're seeing on the screen !
I get that these kinds of kinetic novels are better when they are a slow burn and that's what I'm looking for, but this "show and tell every meaningless detail" feels more like a slow tepidness designed (albeit unconsciously, maybe) to inflate the game time.

Very wordy but I actually agree with you.
It was the shower scene at the beginning that did it for me.
Yes, visually it is very good but for me it is just a waste of time and resources on something of absolutely no consequence to the story.

 

[Mr Fable]

I only hav one req dont make the husband a fool or oblivious for plot convenience

He might make a mistake or two, but he will not become a fool.

 

[Mr Fable]

I think the game is fantastic and did so many things well was hard to believe it’s a first release. The renders especially Sarah are top notch. The characters are being well developed, the user interface works well and it was a good amount of content. I’m definitely looking forward to future updates.

Thank you for the kind feedback.

 

[Mr Fable]

Hello,
Sorry, Mr Fable, but I have a rant coming. All the criticisms I'm going to make are not just for you, but for 95% of the authors of these games that we DO want to love. I also hope you'll take those criticisms as a way to improve the story you're trying to tell and, mostly, how you tell it.
So, here we go. I'm not gonna pretend I'm a great writer or even a decent one, but I can see when something is poorly written and also why. I just played the first few minutes of the game (I've only been given 1 choice to make so far, just for you to see at what point I am in the story), but I can already see the problems. Mostly, it's called "trim out the fat".
I'm going to give an example. There is a render (the renders are very well done btw) where you see Sarah in front of an open fridge, looking at it (the fridge contains only bottles, but it doesn't matter), and you have a line of dialogue that goes something like "Sarah is in front of the fridge contemplating what to make for dinner". Then you click, and there's a new line of dialogue that is her talking to herself and saying something like "hum... let's see". And then you click again, and she says (still on the same render) : "I think I'm going to make chicken with pasta."
Now... What was the point of the 2 previous lines of dialogue ? You have more information than you need just with the last one. You don't need to tell us she's in front of the fridge... We can see it. It's called "show, don't tell" and you're showing it and telling it at the same time ! Worse, the all render, despite being well done graphically, is useless because on the previous render she was telling her husband "Go freshen up in the bathroom, I'm going to make dinner"... So we don't need this render showing her wondering what she's going to cook, we already know she's going to cook something ! If the fact that it's going to be chicken with pasta is not important, you don't need to tell us ! And the rest is the same. We see the husband grabbing two empty glasses... You don't need to write "Alex grabs 2 empty glasses of wine" because, just from the render, nobody was thinking he was riding a seahorse !
Also, I understand what you're going for, you're trying to establish the relationship dynamics of the couple before shit hits the fan, but you don't have to show every detail. It's called starting "in medias res" or "enter late, leave soon". Most of the time, if you want to show a guy going to his work, you just need to make a shot of him dressed in business wear entering through a "corporate looking door" (kinda like a door of glass, for instance), you don't need to show him waking up, pee while scratching his butt then take a shower, brush his teeth, chose what is going to wear, then see him making breakfast and then eating that breakfast, and then showing him leave the house, wait for 10 minutes for the bus and then show the entire commute... If you chose to show one, any, or all of these moments, it's because they have a certain important meaning, or that something significant is going to happen during the moment(s) you're showing, and you don't need a narrator telling us what we're seeing on the screen !
I get that these kinds of kinetic novels are better when they are a slow burn and that's what I'm looking for, but this "show and tell every meaningless detail" feels more like a slow tepidness designed (albeit unconsciously, maybe) to inflate the game time.

Thank you for taking the time to write this long response. Most of the unnecessary scenes in the initial release was to make the player feel more connected with the characters. I wanted to make the player care about what happens to FMC and MC. As the story progress there will be fewer such unnecessary scenes and interactions between the characters. However, the story overall will still be wordy compared to other VNs as I intend to explore the dynamiccs between the characters and their emotional turmoil as well. I am also planing to keep some of the narration. I understand that it does seem redundant to state something that is already shown in the pictures and some people don't like it. I would say it's more of a personal preference

 

[blkcrow20]

Thank you for taking the time to write this long response. Most of the unnecessary scenes in the initial release was to make the player feel more connected with the characters. I wanted to make the player care about what happens to FMC and MC. As the story progress there will be fewer such unnecessary scenes and interactions between the characters. However, the story overall will still be wordy compared to other VNs as I intend to explore the dynamiccs between the characters and their emotional turmoil as well. I am also planing to keep some of the narration. I understand that it does seem redundant to state something that is already shown in the pictures and some people don't like it. I would say it's more of a personal preference

Don't listen to him, do it the way you want. It's your story/game.