Since you won't let it go, allow a former English teacher to review your work.
Not in this context. You don't need a comma.
Not in the context. "say" is perfectly valid in this sentence.
Yes, there should be a comma, but, remember, using the name of the almighty requires a capital letter.
Nope, these are two separate sentences. Imagine a pause after she says "so".
Yup, you are right.
It does look like an error, yes.
Again, correct.
I'm not sure what your problem is with this one. She is repeating the code phrase.
Since it is a question, this would actually require an interrobang, which can be represented like "!?" or "‽".
The ellipses at the start indicate there was a pause or an uncomfortable silence before she started to speak.
Yup, correct.
Correct on both.
Actually this should be "Together, with your help, we'll be unstoppable.".
Wrong on "Officially,", correct on "leave."
The use of "For" is fine here.
Yup, correct.
Correct.
Correct.
No, this one is fine.
Corrrect.
Nope, this one is fine.
In this context, no, you don't need the quotation marks.
This is a common error people make while speaking. While you are grammatically correct, it is something I can imagine a person saying in this context.
Nope, that is fine.
Correct.
Correct.
Not in this context.
Correct.
The comma is fine.
Correct.
As discussed before, the ellipses at the start indicates a pause or an uncomfortable silence before the character speaks.
This one is fine. While there are six beers, a six-pack is a singular item. Beers would be fine if they were individal cans.
So, some you are right about, some you aren't right about. Why not join the Patreon or submit this to the Discord where it will actually do some good, and not hidden on a pirate site?