VN Ren'Py Domino Beach [Ep.2 Fix] [Mr Jet]

[MrJet]

Some folk..especially trolls...will whine about anything.

As you're here though, is there an explanation for half the girls wearing engagement/wedding rings? (even if they are not, they are on that finger, not something normally done even if a woman loves jewellry).

I'm just curious, not an important thing at all but it caught my eye.

As for this - it's definitely my oversight. When I was selecting clothes/hairstyles/jewelry for individual characters, I simply chose one of the standard jewelry assets for rings. It automatically placed it on the wrong finger, and I didn't notice it. During development, there are so many details to keep track of that some small things are easy to miss. I have the same problem with the main character's stubble - sometimes it disappears, sometimes it appears. It's a minor detail I only noticed long after the renders were finished. Same story with the wedding rings. Currently, the main characters in the game aren't engaged to anyone.

 

[SamualHand]

Same story with the wedding rings. Currently, the main characters in the game aren't engaged to anyone.

Make it a local tradition in this town to enrich your story!

 

[Maviarab]

As for this - it's definitely my oversight. When I was selecting clothes/hairstyles/jewelry for individual characters, I simply chose one of the standard jewelry assets for rings. It automatically placed it on the wrong finger, and I didn't notice it. During development, there are so many details to keep track of that some small things are easy to miss. I have the same problem with the main character's stubble - sometimes it disappears, sometimes it appears. It's a minor detail I only noticed long after the renders were finished. Same story with the wedding rings. Currently, the main characters in the game aren't engaged to anyone.

I gathered it would be something like that heh. Thanks for the reply, take it easy man.

 

[WaltS]

Okay, maybe I shouldn't jump into this conversation since I don't really like arguing and all. But I'm genuinely curious here. What's wrong with these examples? Honestly, I don't understand.

What's the problem with MC taking on the role of a white knight and trying to stand up for a colleague? Is it bad? Oh no, a man stood up for a woman he doesn't know well. How terrible! This never happens in normal stories, right? And he doesn't have his own place to live. So that means he should keep quiet? Is that the logic? And what's with the criticism about having two bags of belongings? When I was 20, that's all I had too. As I imagine many guys that age do.

The conversation example is a bit more complex. I admit I'm not a native English speaker, so maybe I'm missing something. Of course, the example given is significantly simplified, but here's the full version:
lu "Mom says you're living the dream. That you finally escaped our backwater and found your place."
lu "But Dad's a whole different story. Keeps muttering that you'll be back any day now. Thinks the big city's too much for you."
mc "(As if he ever believed in me.)"
lu "Don't listen to him. A couple more years, and I'll be right there with you, showing this city what we're made of. We've always had each other's backs, remember?"
mc "Of course I remember. We're a team! You and me against the world."
mc "(I forgot how much I missed this little troublemaker.)"
mc "I miss you, sis. This city wouldn't be so lonely if you were here. Every adventure's more fun with you around."
lu "Don't worry. I'll be there soon. Hang in there till then. I believe in you."
lu "Everything's good with you, right? Mom's really worried, you know."
mc "I won't lie, Lucy, it's not easy. But I'll find my way, I promise."

Yes, maybe there should have been some kind of pause before "Everything's good with you, right? Mom's really worried, you know." But is it really that unnatural?

I won't deny I have plenty of issues with story construction, characters, etc. But these specific examples... I don't know. Is this criticism just for the sake of criticism, or am I really missing something? I'm asking because I'm genuinely interested. I always try to improve my understanding of how to write a story.

Thanks for making the effort and engage w/ us despite -understandably- being averse to it

As for the dialogue thing - it just doesn‘t flow naturally so this is what might irk some ppl.
From the structure of the sentences it is pretty obvious English is not your native tongue so that carries over.
Deepl, "AI" and MTL can cover only so much ground before they hit a wall.

Let me explain: In my day job I work w/ ppl from all over the world and most of the time I can deduce where they are from by looking at the written word. German-speaking peoples are pretty obvious in that regard (Entshuldigung, Bruders!) as are Italians and Spaniards. No insult intended but when you're at a loss you tend to translate your phrases and sentences word-by-word.

Sheesh even I stumble sometimes what with my SWMBO being from Scandinavia (and still swearing and cursing at lot in her native tongue despite having been married for way over twenty-ish years).
The folks from the liaison office here they sometimes confuse me and I myself then do sound like Feldwebel Shultz

Tl;dr:
If you're striving to improve (always a good thing) get an editor to look things over.



Take care and don't forget - Zoe & Fiona are HOT

 

[Simpgor]

Okay, maybe I shouldn't jump into this conversation since I don't really like arguing and all. But I'm genuinely curious here. What's wrong with these examples? Honestly, I don't understand.

What's the problem with MC taking on the role of a white knight and trying to stand up for a colleague? Is it bad? Oh no, a man stood up for a woman he doesn't know well. How terrible! This never happens in normal stories, right? And he doesn't have his own place to live. So that means he should keep quiet? Is that the logic? And what's with the criticism about having two bags of belongings? When I was 20, that's all I had too. As I imagine many guys that age do.

The conversation example is a bit more complex. I admit I'm not a native English speaker, so maybe I'm missing something. Of course, the example given is significantly simplified, but here's the full version:
lu "Mom says you're living the dream. That you finally escaped our backwater and found your place."
lu "But Dad's a whole different story. Keeps muttering that you'll be back any day now. Thinks the big city's too much for you."
mc "(As if he ever believed in me.)"
lu "Don't listen to him. A couple more years, and I'll be right there with you, showing this city what we're made of. We've always had each other's backs, remember?"
mc "Of course I remember. We're a team! You and me against the world."
mc "(I forgot how much I missed this little troublemaker.)"
mc "I miss you, sis. This city wouldn't be so lonely if you were here. Every adventure's more fun with you around."
lu "Don't worry. I'll be there soon. Hang in there till then. I believe in you."
lu "Everything's good with you, right? Mom's really worried, you know."
mc "I won't lie, Lucy, it's not easy. But I'll find my way, I promise."

Yes, maybe there should have been some kind of pause before "Everything's good with you, right? Mom's really worried, you know." But is it really that unnatural?

I won't deny I have plenty of issues with story construction, characters, etc. But these specific examples... I don't know. Is this criticism just for the sake of criticism, or am I really missing something? I'm asking because I'm genuinely interested. I always try to improve my understanding of how to write a story.

The "white knight" thing doesn't make a whole lot of sense because we are told that the customer is known to do that by the coworker saying something along the lines of "oh its x again" which means he has done this before and has clearly gotten away with it because he is a favorite customer/big spender/frequent guest so the first question is...... why now and why her?

Having their own place plays a role because he is relying on his friends kindness to not be homeless.....? Was the friend letting him live their for free (and how long?) Because the whole "bossy offscreen girlfriend" made it seem like MC was not there for more than a few nights? and i feel like having a job to pay for a place or even just gas to keep his car going should have entered into his mind when he considers that the customer is just going to go it again the next day even if he went for a swim it's not so much that he was a white knight (which i only said because its easier) but that he did it blindly without any consideration for his own situation (and being so selfless could clash with the "reb" variables if that's supposed to mean rebel)

The dialog (as in words spoken) between the brother and sister is fine and is much closer (probs the exact same lol) to what you have posted here but what i found to be issue is MC says something along the lines of he doesnt want to worry her (losing his job, being kicked out, all his contacts saying no) but then says its not easy but with no further details and the sister doesnt follow up on it like at all (iirc?).... To me its something that sort of makes sense but in this particular case its kind of hard to tell how close they are? I got the vibe that they were pretty close since hes been away for awhile but the call seemed to be something that happened at least a couple of times before for them but then i would expect her to inquire more or MC to at least have a thought about wanting to be honest and vent to the only person in his phone who is nice to him?

I only gave those two examples because that is as far as I got before I came back to this thread for a diffrent reason and realized that I had tried your previous game and stopped playing it for similar reasons, but like I said in the original reply it's not as noticeable as it was in the last game but I could tell from the bit I played (and multiple reviews) that it was still there.

All in all the story and dialog is way more than it needs to be, better than in the previous game (from the bits I played), and is better than a whooooole lot of games on here but (to me) kind of falls short in a few places........ with that being said (like others have) i don't think it's anything that "porn logic" (and knowing you aren't native speaker) won't solve for most people, it's just for me personally it doesn't

Contrary what a certain whiney gooner based in a lab says I don't really think I was complaining I didn't even say that person (or anybody) should or should not play the game just that I personally wouldn't have started it and just to make that labgoon look even less intelligent I'll go onto say the game obviously looks good and does have a pretty unique vibe being so beachy, I even think it's an across the board improvement compared to the last game from the little bits I played of both.......still don't think I PERSONALLY will play it so I'm obviously just a whiner and a hater right?

 

[Amansas]

Okay, maybe I shouldn't jump into this conversation since I don't really like arguing and all. But I'm genuinely curious here. What's wrong with these examples? Honestly, I don't understand.

What's the problem with MC taking on the role of a white knight and trying to stand up for a colleague? Is it bad? Oh no, a man stood up for a woman he doesn't know well. How terrible! This never happens in normal stories, right? And he doesn't have his own place to live. So that means he should keep quiet? Is that the logic? And what's with the criticism about having two bags of belongings? When I was 20, that's all I had too. As I imagine many guys that age do.

The conversation example is a bit more complex. I admit I'm not a native English speaker, so maybe I'm missing something. Of course, the example given is significantly simplified, but here's the full version:
lu "Mom says you're living the dream. That you finally escaped our backwater and found your place."
lu "But Dad's a whole different story. Keeps muttering that you'll be back any day now. Thinks the big city's too much for you."
mc "(As if he ever believed in me.)"
lu "Don't listen to him. A couple more years, and I'll be right there with you, showing this city what we're made of. We've always had each other's backs, remember?"
mc "Of course I remember. We're a team! You and me against the world."
mc "(I forgot how much I missed this little troublemaker.)"
mc "I miss you, sis. This city wouldn't be so lonely if you were here. Every adventure's more fun with you around."
lu "Don't worry. I'll be there soon. Hang in there till then. I believe in you."
lu "Everything's good with you, right? Mom's really worried, you know."
mc "I won't lie, Lucy, it's not easy. But I'll find my way, I promise."

Yes, maybe there should have been some kind of pause before "Everything's good with you, right? Mom's really worried, you know." But is it really that unnatural?

I won't deny I have plenty of issues with story construction, characters, etc. But these specific examples... I don't know. Is this criticism just for the sake of criticism, or am I really missing something? I'm asking because I'm genuinely interested. I always try to improve my understanding of how to write a story.

I think people have already pointed out the issue with the dialog but I'll pitch in my 2 cents too. the dialog you've written here is actually quite good and I have no complaints. I haven't played this game yet, only the rockstar one. The issue there was that while the sentences were grammatically correct, they were quite convoluted and had too many words. Also the flow was very jarring and did not go smoothly from one sentence to another. English speaking youth (which I assume the characters are, if I'm playing in English) speak smoothly and use small, easy to understand phrases/sentences. I understand you're not a native English speaker, so may I suggest watching some videos/movies to better understand dialog? Pulp Fiction had some amazing natural dialog iirc

Everything else is great imo. I don't mind suspending belief for the plot and the renders are obviously top-notch. Keep it up!

 

[SamualHand]

English speaking youth (which I assume the characters are, if I'm playing in English) speak smoothly and use small, easy to understand phrases/sentences. I understand you're not a native English speaker, so may I suggest watching some videos/movies to better understand dialog?

I mean you are playing a game that is in Russian & English, while English is a translation. So you should accept that this is Russian youth, maybe the characters should be rename into Vladimir, Olga and Sergiey... ;-) no just joking, obviously this is not playing in Russia for financial reasons, but maybe you are asking to much?

 

[imagica]

Spoiler: Emily

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She reminds me of this girl

Spoiler: Real Lookalike

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[cxx]

not even close^