I think you're taking this way too seriously, bro. You sound like someone playing with the mindset that humor should only appear occasionally, at just the right moments, to give players a break—never too much, because too much would be ridiculous.
Maybe it's just a cultural difference… perhaps. In my country, hardly anyone questions the MC being pervy or goofy. This is a comedy game, and for it to be funny, characters have to do silly things. You can't expect them to just frown, be all serious, and act completely logically. That wouldn't be much of a comedy, would it?
I'm not your bro, bro. Otherwise you would knew I wrote that as a man who is a jester, capable of joking all the time. But there is the thing, unless you want to be the only one laughing, you actually have to make right joke in right time and for right audience.
Sure, this game is suppose to be a comedy game and people are playing it to have a laugh with a bit of spicy extra content. Yet people can't simply laugh all the time, because soon it won't be funny anymore. Nobody is asking for this game to be serious, nor to stop trying to be funny. But having a bit of space between one joke and another is a good thing. Especially if it is same joke or smiillar situation.
It might be a cultural thing I suppose. Not the right audience so to say. Yet, overusing and overstretching a joke never is going to work. Chapter 9 was great example of this.
Hm... How should I explain this? There's something called "comedy logic". It's just like how adult game logic works.
When you play an adult game, you never ask questions like:
- Why does this female character so easily sleep with the MC?
- Why does she fall in love with him right after meeting him?
- Why is seducing girls so easy—just talk to them three times, and boom, you're in bed?
- Why does she act like it's nothing when the MC is already in a relationship with two other girls?
- How is he able to have a completely peaceful harem in a modern setting?
No one asks these questions, right? Because if someone does, the answer will be: "Dude, why are you taking this so seriously? It's an adult game!"
The same applies to comedy logic. People who are familiar with comedy never question why the MC does something weird or acts like a complete idiot—because that's what makes it comedy. Characters do silly things to create funny situations.
In adult games, there are two types of logic: story logic and adult content logic. Similarly, in comedy, there are two types of logic: story logic and comedy logic. People who are familiar with the comedy genre don't nitpick the logic of comedic moments—they only question things when the absurdity breaks the main story's logic.
Actually poeple do ask those questions and are quickly to point out flaws and unlogical or unbelievable situations. Most of the time when thier immersion is broken. When characters are acting unlike themselves. When story simply doesn't make sense, because explanations can't be even consider plausible in the setting.
Comedy is about having a laugh, but without consistency it will quickly fall flat. People won't question a stupid character to do something stupid, nor clumsy one if such is dropping something or is the one laying on the floor. But people will question it, as I wrote above, if they act unlike themselves.
MC in this game, for example, is quite the horny man in need of leaving a load, which he had multiple ocasions do to such thing, even if it is a bit of a stretch. So it is in his character to be somewhat perverted and having sexual thoughts almost all the time. But at the same time he was shown as someone who is not that much retarded. Stetching this joke of MC turning into retarded pervert who is unable to control himself, even though it is established he actually can do that, isn't funny. I would be funny, if it was short moment, a thought and an elbow into ribs from his maid, not whole chapter of one joke.
After those 9 chapters I can already point the major flaw in your project. You're doing a checklist. You're giving too much to chew. You're not pacing yourself. You are simply dumping everything in one go just to be done with it instead of mixing things to make it enjoyable.
First few chapters were about establishing the world and explaining multiple major events. Textbook thrown just to read and forget about it.
Another few chapters were about MC and his maid having sex, with quite the amount of sex scenes. Which, to be honest, was a bit too much too soon.
Now it is time to have "over the top" humor. So you are dumping jokes and funny (or unfunny) situations and left and right.
Haha, you could totally imagine it as a deeply calculated scheme by the MC.
Right now, he's like a pawn on the chessboard.
And the best way to escape the board is to break the rules. (Which is exactly why he made a beastkin his sworn knight.)
So maybe - just maybe - acting like a fool is all part of his grand plan, making it impossible for others to read his true intentions.
Oh no... I think I'm actually convincing myself! What if he really is thinking that way? Haha =]]
Then maybe it is finally time to establish some basic trope for MC. Because currently you wrote MC thinking one thing, acting way different while you are, here, trying to establish something way different.
